I don’t think I’d be disappointed with any of the frontrunners. So, I’m not going to get into comparatives that highlight their potential negatives. But...I want Kelly. The case for Kelly is a fairly obvious one.
1. Everyone loves Buzz Lightyear. It’s just a fact. Astronauts are still cool, at least with the over-forty crowd. The glamor might have faded for younger voters. But they are extremely energized for Harris. I don’t think this is a problem.
2. Combat pilot. Yeah, being a war hero didn’t help us with Kerry. But I think the pairing with Harris makes this an asset. No cultural Marxist or Marxist fraud picks a veteran with elite combat experience.
3. He will have far more credibility defusing the border attacks than anyone else. This is far more important, I think, than the dubious proposition that VP Candidates deliver their states. Though I think his influence on this issue more broadly could indeed help us in AZ.
4. Devoted partner of Gabby Giffords. Great story in terms of drama (not content of course). This together with his military background helps with gun violence (meaning fighting it, of course, no one likes gun violence).
5. People have suggested he wouldn’t thrive in the traditional attack dog role. But frankly, I don’t think our prosecutor candidate needs much help there. Plus, so many good surrogates. I mean, running Buttigieg and Walz and Shapiro and Whitmer out there...an embarrassment of riches. He talks like someone who will be an enormous asset as a partner in governance. He doesn’t like the “politics” part of the job. He’s there to get shit done. True, he hasn’t sponsored any big bills. But he’s unquestionably an asset to the caucus in the Senate, and could be in the House, especially as Giffords is so beloved there.
6. He’s bald. Very bald. Like me. The last bald man on a national ticket was...wait for it...Eisenhower. So, basically follicular supremacism has meant that you can get elected nationally as a bald man is if you win a world war. That’s unfair. It’s time we shatter the anti-bald stigma. He’d be the first bald man elected nationally this century. And...he’d help turn out bald voters. We’re never talked about. But we’re an important community that gets little respect politically. A Black/Bald ticket would be an historic civil rights ticket. (Yes, for the dullards among us, this last point is satire.)